Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A Rose by Any Other Name Still Smells Like Poo-Poo...

With the minor shifting around in conference allegiances we've experienced over the last week, several conference names are now (still) out of date. We humbly submit the following names for football conferences. We feel they more truly reflect the conferences' inner souls:

Big 12 becomes the Franco/Oklahoma Alliance
Having Texas in your league is like having an alliance with France. Its only a matter of time before it's "Fuck you, we don't give a shit, we're going to do what ever the hell we want" time for the other guy, in this case France or its stand-in, Texas.

PAC-10 becomes College Football Blunt-tacular
From Arizona State's smoking hot coeds to UW's Trustafarians. From Cal/Berkeley's Nuevo-Marxists to Colorado's Cork Footed Ski Dude's, this conference loves them some ganga.

Big Ten becomes Stalag 12
Dear Big Ten Fan, just when you thought it couldn't get worse than a late November road trip to State College, Pennsylvania or Iowa City, Iowa, we give you Lincoln, Nebraska. P.S. not only will it be ball breaking cold in the winter, but it will also be 90 plus in the summer with frequent and devastating tornado's......

SEC to Team America Super Awesome Top 12
USC, Texas and Ohio State would be lucky to win two games in-conference, that's a fact. You know how hard it is to go into Starkville and Oxford to open conference play after playing University of Louisiana-Lafayette, University of Louisiana-Monroe, Troy and Appalachian State? Plus every few years you gotta face Vanderbilt and Kentucky.....

ACC to You Ain't From 'Round Here Conference
No sir, we're from the United States of America. Duke, UVA, Georgia Tech, Miami, & the ACC as a whole is full of small academic schools populated with the sons and daughters of Rustbelt Refugees, Jerseynaughts come south, Pakistani Pre-meds, Indian Engineering Students, Taiwanese Architects, Korean English-As-A-Second-Language students, and a freak fringe fresh from DRAGONCON.

MWC to Cousin Eddie's Desert Mining and Industrial Waste Storage Systems of America
It doesn't matter how good the football is, few want to visit, and no one wants to be associated with these guys.

Big East becomes the Red Bull College Football Conference
They need the sponsorship, plus it ties them to a league with more exposure, the MLS.

Feel free to add your suggestions......

1 comment:

  1. Great blog. I love "PAC-10 becomes College Football Blunt-tacular" comment, especially as a UGA fan who went out to Tempe a couple of years ago for the ASU game. And, yes, those Sun Devil chicks are very hot.