Tuesday, August 31, 2010

ACC Thumb Nails; Frisky Division

Florida State


Losing Senior Quarterback Christian Ponder to a shoulder injury for the final four games of 2009 turned out to be a good thing for the Seminoles in 2010. Ponder has stated that if it wasn’t for that injury, he would have left for the NFL. Coming back for this year means half of the Seminoles’ team is set. The offense will be real, and it will be spectacular.

The defense is a different story. It was the worst in Florida State history, by a wide margin. While there aren’t many indicators that this unit will be among the best in the country, there are many indications that it will be improved. FSU lost most of their productive players before the 2009 season, and schisms within the coaching staff didn’t help. This year’s unit will be older, field tested, and led by a coaching staff not at war with itself.

Meta Narrative

Everyone loves Sarah’s old boy friend Tom. You secretly think not only is Tom a total dick, but he was only hanging out with Sarah because her Daddy’s rich. You have no reason to like Sarah’s new boy friend, but you do simply because he’s not Tom.

Players to Watch

Rodney Hudson-Left Guard-#62-Senior

2009 Winner ACC Jacobs Blocking Award

2009 First Team All ACC

Did not allow a sack or quarterback pressure in 2009

Christian Ponder-Quarterback-#7-Senior

321.8 passing yards a game


68.8% completion percentage

Andrew Datko-Left Tackle-#67-Junior

Datko and Hudson anchor a unit that will create wall from behind which Christian Ponder will be free to pick from any of his solid wide receiver corps.

Greg Reid-Corner Back-#5-Sophomore

Physically gifted, and playing in DC Stoops new zone coverage scheme should help him mature

Nigel Bradham-Weakside Linebacker-#13-Junior

Some are saying he’s a potential All-American

Spirit Guide

Boston College


After losing a head coach to inter/intra-office politics, a quarterback to graduation, a quarterback to just not wanting to go to class, a linebacker to a knee injury, and a linebacker to cancer in 2009, 2010’s off season has been a breeze.

Under Coach Frank Spaziani, Boston College reverted to the formula they applied so successfully under Tom O’Brien. Run the ball and play defense. Expect more of the same out of BC this year. Their schedule is favorable. They have one of the best offensive lines in the conference, a running back who can tote the rock, serviceable QB play, and a couple of really good linebackers and defensive backs. BC will be in the thick of the Atlantic Division Championship Race.

Meta Narrative

You don’t have time for Meta Narratives, you are too busy punching people who called you “short” in the mouth. And you are short, you beautiful crazy 5’-4” Irish Catholic Bastard you. Also, your brother was your dad’s favorite, but now he’s smoking crystal meth in an Indiana cornfield.

Players To Watch

Montell Harris-Running Back-#2-Junior

10th all time in BC history for Rushing Yards

BC record holder for yards rushing as a freshman and sophomore (that’s’s two separate records)

2009 Second Team All ACC

Anthony Castonzo-Left Tackle-#74-Senior

A four year starter

Will be a top NFL Prospect

Mark Herzlich-Outside Linebacker-#94-Senior

2008 ACC defensive player of the year

Herzlich missed last season while being treated for Ewing’s sarcoma, a form of bone cancer. As of now he is clear of cancer.

Luke Kuechly- Inside Linebacker-#40-Sophomore

2009 ACC Defensive Rookie of the Year

2009 First Team All ACC

Ranked Second in Country in Tackles

As a true freshman played Herzlich’s vacated outside linebacker spot

Wes Davis-Free Safety-#45-Senior


Boise State has finished the season in the Top 25 five times after not being ranked at all to start the season. Four teams are tied for second having done it four times. Two are from the ACC. Clemson is one, Boston College is the other.

Spirit Guide

North Carolina


As Senior Quarterback TJ Yates goes, so will the Tar Heels. If he doesn’t make the Heels go, he could be replaced by Red shirt Freshman Braden Hanson. The passing game’s regression last year cannot be solely laid at the feat of Yates. UNC’s offensive line underwent a huge change in 2009, and its short comings exposed Yates limitations. Though injured for part of the season in 2008, Yates completed 60% of his passes for 11 touchdowns and four interceptions. In 2009 Yates’ interceptions jumped to 15.

Not only did the offensive line fail to protect Yates, but it also failed to get any push for the running game, and that’s what should concern UNC fans. Yates may never be a great quarterback, but if a return to his 2008 form is in the making not only will Yates have to improve, but the offensive line will also.

North Carolina’s Defense will be very good, to put it simply, but hanging over all of this is an on going NCAA investigation, and while UNC appears to have the talent to overcome some of these losses, it certainly doesn’t make it easy to win football games.

Scratch that. Hire this man. He's Scottish, and deep down at the bottom of your genteel Tobacco road bullshit family is a naked angry illiterate Scotsman who gets shit straight, and you're knee deep in NCAA investigators, Twitter posts, and nanny's. You need to get on message.

Meta Narrative

See the movie Blue Chips. Right down to Shaq’s complete lack of offensive skill other than “get close, dunk hard”. Also, unlike Nick Nolte you don’t care whose getting paid by who.

Players to Watch

Greg Little-Wide Receiver/Running Back-#8-Senior

2010 Biletnikoff Award Candidate

Led the Team in Receiving

Third on the team in Rushing

Little is a versatile player who has started at wide receiver and running back for the Tar Heels, and the coaching staff likes to get the ball in his hands.

He is one of the players under investigation.

Robert Quinn-Defensive End-#42-Junior

2010 Peseason First Team All American

2009 ACC Defensive Player of the Year

2009 Second Team All American

2008 Brian Piccolo Award

Marvin Austin-Defensive Tackle-#9-Senior

2010 Lombardi Award Candidate

2009 Second-Team All ACC

Under investigation: likely to been seen mat Sizzler buffet

Quan Sturdivant-Line Backer-#52-Senior

2009 First Team All ACC

2009 Butkus Award Semifinalist

Kendric Burney-Cornerback-#16-Senior

2010 Preseason Second Team All-American

2009 First Team All ACC

2008 Second Team All ACC


Deunta Williams-Safety-#27-Senior

2009 First Team All ACC

Spirit Guide


1 comment:

  1. Hilarious and true. Love the site. Keep up the good work.