Something is Always the Most Important Story of the Day, Even If It's Not Important

Everyone does a preseason top 25. Below is ours* with in-depth analysis of each team

1 Alabama - Let’s not do anything crazy right out of the box, gotta make this look bona fide

2 Ohio State - Pryor, Rose Bowl, Pryor, Rose Bowl, Big Ten, Pryor, Rose Bowl, Pryor, Rose Bowl, Pryor, Rose Bowl…

3 Boise State - Are we doing that this year? We are? Good.

4 Texas - …hey man, did you ever see that movie “Full Metal Jacket” man I love that movie…

5 Virginia Poly - Hokies, you are officially ACC Georgia. You will start the season ranked ten spots higher than you will finish. Pre-ordained.

6 TCU -That’s what I love about college kids. I keep getting older, and they stay the same age.

7 Florida - Too scared to rank them below ten for fear of Gator fans angry e-mails. Too scared to rank them over 5 for fear of angering rest of country. In reality I have no idea where they go.

8 Iowa - Go shake one of the few trees in Iowa and three hundred pound men fall out of it. That’s good for nine wins.

9 Nebraska - Some one mentioned them in the break room yesterday.

10 Oregon -What, what! PAC 10 love!

11 Wisconsin - mmmm. Brats and cold weather hookers.

12 Oklahoma - Ohhhhhhhklahoma!

13 Miami - Just setting them up to tear them down later. We will hold this arbitrarily assigned number against the ACC.

14 LSU - Ess Ee See!

15 USC - While I love to say hello, I hate to say good bye

16 Pitt - Big East can officially sit on it and twist.

17 Georgia Tech - ACC confusededed us. This feels safe.

18 Arkansas - Band-wagon!

19 Penn State - Shit! Almost forgot

20 Oregon State - By putting them at 20 we’ve covered our butt for the inevitable early season loss to a compass point school and the inevitable win over a PAC 10 power house

21 Florida State - He is an Englishman! For he himself has said it, and it’s greatly to his credit, that he’s an Englishman!

22 Cincinnati - Somebody get all of Kentucky back on the south side of the Ohio! And answer that damn phone!

23 Georgia - Bonus point for character, unless of course they lose, then we can slide them right off this list and pretend like this never happened.

24 Stanford - just plucking names out of a hat right now

25 North Carolina - Are they in the Coastal or the Atlantic? Does Butch Davis know?

*Actually its someone else’s (ESPN's)