Friday, September 24, 2010

Thursday Night Lights (Notes)

This Game inspired the "Young Einstein Postulate". The Young Einstein Postulate explains why every ACC out-of-conference game is framed as a referendum on the ACC and yet the same does not apply to the Big East. "Young Einstein" sucks. Its terrible. It makes "Crocodile Dundee" look like "Schindler's List" Yet Yahoo Serious wrote, directed, and starred in the movie, and he did it all while raising the money piece meal himself. That's incredibly impressive. Not when compared to a real director, but it is when compared to 99% of the people in the world. If we made a movie it would be a pile of unfocused, over exposed, not-plot-having gibberish. It would be unrecognizable as film. Yahoo Serioius, to his credit, made a film that was just good enough to be recognized as crap.

The "Young Einstein Postulate" states that a bare minimum level of competency has to be achieved before something is recognizable as terrible. Any level of competency below that minimum is simply white noise. The ACC has reached the minimum, the Big East has not.

Below are my actual notes from last nights game.

Miami rips off first drive. I wonder if that will be the highlight of the game.(Yep it was).

Travis Benjamin plays football like Forest Gump This is not a statement about Benjamin’s intelligence. His play simply reminds me of the football scenes in "Forest Gump"

Uncle Milty = Pulling out just enough to win. This does not apply tonight.

Don’t blitz Jacory Harris; he will eventually just give you the ball

Wannstedt is Pitt's special teams coach
In pregame meeting he says team will punt ball out of bounds.
First two punts go directly to Travis Benjamin
Second return looks like Forest Gump.
Pitt Saved by Miami(ism)

Miami OC Mark Whipple needs to run ball more, make Harris’ decision easier. Miami play actions anyway. Ultimate pass to set up the run offense.

Wannstedt attempts 52-yard field goal with kicker whose all time long is 45 yards. Who’s his special team coach ?

Reese Davis after missed Pitt field goal late in first half “Pittsburgh’s best drive of the night ....ends…with…….nothing"

Dave Wannstedt's half-time interview sounds like a man explaining lipstick on his lapel to his wife

Per Yahoo, NBA has achieved stated goal. All thirty teams will have new jerseys

No one is scared of Pitt QB Tino Sunseri.
Quick Sketch – "Tino Sunseri at Thanksgiving dinner"
Mrs. Sunseri: Tino, would you please pass the mash potatoes?
Tino stares at Mom.
Tino stares at Mom more.
Tino stares at Mom some more.
Tino picks up mashed potatoes, runs into living room and slides.
Mr. Sunseri's plate is empty

Miami D-Line WAYYYYYYYYY better than Pitt O-Line. Down Grade Utah.

Great moment, Craig James decries young people today and off field issues without a hint of irony or self-awareness <--- not necessarily referring to his son. Definitely referring to SMU.

After personal foul Wannstedt yells at player who continually tries to walk past him to get some Gatorade

Dislocated Knee Cap – I’d wish death of the first-born son on an enemy before I wished that on him. It looks painful

“All the Way Turnt Up” has gone jock jams viral. That song sucks.

Pitt RB Ray Graham looks more effective than Deion Lewis, Heisman Trophy Candidate

I think Craig James thought the third quarter was the fourth quarter for about three minutes.

Wannstedt settles for a very NFL field goal early in the fourth.

Dear Pitt DB,
It’s a 12-yard out.
Everyone in America

All investment broker ads are aimed at dicks that think they are too smart to need investment brokers/dicks who talk about the kind of grass on the fairway.

After fumbled punt, Pitt player runs into Wannstedt (being referred to as Wanny for some reason now) trying to get on field. Doesn’t apologize.

10:45 left in fourth = Game over.

Jesse Palmer does research, pays attention, and makes relevant comments.

Multiple times tonight Jesse Palmer says something immediately following a comment from Craig James that can be loosely translated “that’s totally fucking wrong, and has nothing to do with reality”

Jonathan Baldwin lets Miami CB DeMarcus Van Dyke intercept pass. Pitt lets Van Dyke run forty yards before reluctantly pursuing. Van Dyke tackled at Pit 25. Miami celebrates like Georgia after scoring on Florida. Ass Clowns. Go Buckeyes.

Miami players show off for camera on sidelines. Learn the difference between playing well, and simply being the less incompetent team. Sorry, this game is making me angry.

Pitt’s not even trying at this point. Seriously, they’ve given up.

Not impressed with the push Miami’s o-line gets on any short yardage plays tonight.

Linebacker Shaun Spence named player of the game. In fact, entire front seven for Miami looks very strong. No idea how much Pitt has to with that.

Craig James repeats stat he said in first quarter. Is apparently unaware of this fact.

Reese, Jesse and Craig try to sell us on the idea that this was a great defensive performance by Miami, followed by a big Pitt run featuring lackadaisical tackling and topped off by a face mask penalty against Miami putting Pitt inside the Miami ten.

Pitt doesn’t score on final possession. Game over. That was pooh.


  1. Due to the wonderful thing known as parenthood, Ryan Alexander - King Defender of Mankind (to borrow from Spencer's Magnus Warhammer) required sleep, and thus I missed half of the game. Namely the audio half.

    From the purely visual standpoint, this was a game between:
    - A team that has barely enough talent to break out of a wet paper bag
    - A team with so much talent, it can't get out of it's own way. literally.

    You are correct in your assesment of Jacory... The kid was barely pressured and managed to hit the DB's as much as he hit his own recievers. I will give Pitt some credit on this. Their DB's made some pretty spectacular acrobatic catches.... scratch that, interceptions.

    All said, I'm glad it was a win for the conference, however I am sad that this was the only game on. This 30 point victory will go for naught as Miami looked spectacularly awful doing it.

  2. Was the "Nigh" in the title intentional? Seems appropriate...

  3. The fact that you missed the audio half of the game due to your son is maybe a top 5 reaon to have a child I've ever heard. Craig James is such a fucking hyppocritical blowhard. Pitt throws the ball worse than we do, which is saying something. And Frank is correct about Benjamin; he's Forrest Gump out there- no clue what he's doing, just a damn good athlete. Wannstache still has beaver pelt on his lip & snarls at those of us who don't drive a Camaro or an IROC. Did you know Camaro is a western Pennsylvania Indian word for Ferrari? Jesus, that game sucked. well played, Frank!


  4. corrections made. Beeing boarder line dyslexictsts pays off in unintended puns sometimes. (note- not dylsexicticst at all, just creative speller, like John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, just saying.)