Barrel of Rum: The Compulsive Gambler's Guide to the Galaxy....pt.1

Or the Bowl season. Tomorrow "Bowl Season" officially kicks off & as other news around Tech & college football is particularly slow I thought I would give you my picks for EVERY bowl game this year (except for one- you'll get that next week). There are by my count 33 games so you'll get this in installments. Please note that these picks are solely for gambling purposes & have nothing to do with entertainment. Please also apply the Hash Slinger Inverse-Transitive-Theorem-of-Wagering to all picks. For those of you who are unfamiliar, the Theorem is quite simple: always bet against the team Hash picks. Unless of course you somehow have figured out how to write off gambling losses on your taxes & are looking for just such deductions. If that is the case, by all means go with my picks. We think people who pick without using the line are weak-ass pansies. So here are the games:

New Mexico Bowl- Fresno State (-10.5) vs. Wyoming. Fresno State head coach & Belichek disciple Pat Hill had this to say after signing a contract extension last week: "winning is everything. That's what it's all about. Everything is about winning, whether your scrimmaging or you're playing tiddlywinks, or whatever it is. The American way is about winning....If you don't like winning go to another country where everybody does the same thing." Deep down in his mind Pat Hill thinks Wyoming is another country. And he may be right. Take Fresno, give the 10.5.....

With a 'stache like that, whose gonna' argue...?

Beef O'Brady's Bowl - Rutgers (-2.5) vs. Central Florida. The State University of New Jersey against an angry resume-forging Irishman. Hmmmm, might be worth watching. Have you seen Jersey Shore on MTV yet? Holy Shit! Anthropologists will have a field day now & in years to come.....But since every guy on that show is juiced to the nines we'll use our deductive powers & guess steroids are easy to buy in N.J. And steroids help you play football. Take the Scarlett Knights....

Take these guys & lay the points.....Is the mascot a douchebag?

New Orleans Bowl - Southern Miss (-3.5) vs. Middle Tennessee State. Upland vs. lowland in a battle of redneck supremacy. Pre-game festivities include bear & gator wrasslin', the famous "shoot & cook" squirrel contest, & of course the now traditional high stakes porch checker playin'. This game will also double as the 2009 Southeastern Mullet Convention. We can't tell you much about the game but we like MTSU's Rick Stockstill as a coach. Go Upland & pick the boys from Tennessee....

Anybody need two...?

Las Vegas Bowl - #18 Oregon State (-1.5) vs. #14 BYU. Woohoo, our first match-up of ranked opponents. Mormons in Las Vegas. Really? If I'm a casino owner I go knee-cap the head of the Convention & Visitor's Bureau right after I've beaten the director of the Bowl game senseless with a tire iron. Those Mormons gonna tear Vegas up, Baby! Oregon State is Oregon State; a fundamentally solid team with a couple playmakers (the Rodgers Bros.-Jacquizz & James) & a chip on their shoulders. How does a family name one brother James & the other Jacquizz? Who feels like they got a raw deal? Take Oregon State.....

As we said before, we can & would.....

Pointsettia Bowl - #23 Utah vs. Cal (-3.5). Wow, Moroni in the house! Utah schools on back-to-back days. Beer sales will be through the rough in the Beehive State! It's the end of college football season & we'll miss it so but this game just doesn't move us. No Jahvid Best for Cal but Shane Vereen is a capable replacement. Take the Bears...

Shane Vereen may be Cal's tailback but for overall performance we'll go with another Vereen, Ben.....That's one smooth brother....

Hawaii Bowl - Nevada (-14.5) vs. SMU. So with June Jones at the helm they're not the vaunted Pony Express any more. The Airmail maybe? Get DHL or someone to sponsor it? But give Jones credit for taking the only school ever given the death penalty by the NCAA to a bowl in his second season. Nevada's "Pistol" offense is prolific running the football. In fact they were the only team to out rush Tech on the year. It's a lot of points but we're comfortable giving them....Nevada rolls...