The Compulsive Gambler's Guide to the Galaxy....pt.6

Back to work for the Jackets today as they continue prep for the Orange Bowl. We hope to have some news from practice todayand we fully expect more spirited sessions than last year - no one wants a repeat of New Year's Eve. We continue onward in our effort to pick every bowl game this season. We're all the way to January 2nd & through the use of Hash's Inverse Transitive Theorem of Gambling have compiled an astonishing 5-5 record to this point. Dead ass mediocre. Fine work. On to the games:

• International Bowl - South Florida (-6.5) vs. Northern Illinois. We'd like to suggest a name change to our friends in Toronto: how about the "Who The Fuck Cares Bowl". South Florida & Northern Illinois playing in Canada? Give us a break. Surprisingly, we've actually watched both these teams play this year. Shame on us. Northern Illinois has two good tailbacks & can run the ball. Jim Leavitt beats his players in order to get them to perform. He also head butts them while they are wearing helmets & he is not....might we suggest some different motivational tactics, Coach? Take the Bulls.

Jim Leavitt after head butting a player...Dale Carnegie he's not...

• Cotton Bowl - #19 Oklahoma State vs. Mississippi (-2.5). Can we please change Oklahoma State's name to the "T. Boone Pickens" or how about just the "Boones"? Most billionaires buy pro football teams (see Jones, Jerry or Blank, Arthur). Not that rascally maverick T. Boone; he buys himself a college football team. Ole Miss has "Coach Giggity" himself, Houston Nutt, who every year seems to excite his fan base then fall flat once the season begins. Dez Bryant can't play because he hung out with Deion Sanders. The Ole Miss band can't play "From Dixie with Love" because chanting "the South will rise again" while professing to love your predominantly black football team is the height of hypocrisy & racism. This would be a better bar fight than football game but we'll take Ole Miss based simply on pulchritude factor...

Nowhere on our planet can you find hotter women than at The Grove before an Ole Miss game....

• Papajohn's Bowl - South Carolina (-4.5) vs. Connecticut. This should actually be an entertaining game. We can't remember a team that's had a tougher season than the Huskies. We can't remember the aura of invincibility that once surrounded the Ol' Ball Coach. Carolina's Eric Norwood is a great player. And WR Alshon Jeffery will be a great player. Connecticut is nice but this isn't a tour of homes. Take the Cocks to the bank...

The Ol' Ball Coach keeps his eyes on the prize....

• Liberty Bowl - Arkansas (-7.5) vs. East Carolina. Darth Vader vs. Skip Holtz is just such a mismatch. Throw in a rifle-armed Ryan Mallet on the side of the Empire & you have the makings of a route. If you want to see a future NFL star QB while still in college check out Mallet - he's got all the tools. Pirates can be formidable but Arkansas plays the role of Navy SEALS in this picture....Pig Soooey....

The Bobby Petrino Story: I really am a dick with teeth...seriously...

• Alamo Bowl - Michigan State vs. Texas Tech (-7.5). Speak of pirates & up pops Mike Leach. The Swashbuckler from Lubbock is a favorite at The Barrel. Who else publicly blasts his player's "fat little girlfriends" & gets away with it? And then there's the gangsta crew from MSU. Just rumbling around campus kicking the shit out of the hockey team & other unsuspecting dormitory residents. Way to be involved in campus life outside of football, fellas. So it's gansters vs. pirates in a Texas cage match.....We'll take Leach & his men....

Mike Leach & Achmed the Dead Terrorist talk shop....