- Outback Bowl - Northwestern vs. Auburn (-7.5). Our fondness for the Northwestern Literary Wildcats is well documented. With a coach named Fitgerald (see F. Scott) & a QB named Kafka this team has some karmic mojo working. Auburn is the prettiest little village on the plains. That sounds so gay. Robespierre, please explain this stupidity. Auburn also has offensive mastermind/evil genius Gus Malzhan calling plays. Trivia question: who sucks more: Chris Todd or "Catfish" Crompton? That's a "chicken or the egg" conundrum right there. We like Onterio McCalebb. Take Auburn, lay the points....
"SEC Speed" is just a notch below "Ludicrous Speed"
- Capital One Bowl - #13 Penn State (-2.5) vs. #12 LSU. We think of our buddy Romeo when we think of Penn State. Quite, calm, measured, thoughtful. A "renaissance" man if you will (if that renaissance involves the Simpsons or show tunes). He also has the ability to grow the greatest beard ever. We then think of Romeo deep in Cajun hunting camp, eating boudin while trying to avoid being set on fire by a drunken fellow in overalls named St. Pierre. We're almost sure Romeo has never owned a firearm in his life. In Cajun country even the women own firearms. This makes us smile. LSU has T-Bob Hebert, so they got that going for them. We have no idea how any of this relates back to football. So we're going to go with the ever popular "whose strangest food tastes better" pick. A battle between scrapple & boudin. Boudin wins in a landslide.....take the Cajun Roughriders & the points....
The Cookin' Cajun Justin Wilson says "WHOOWEE, take the points......"
- Gator Bowl - West Virginia (-2.5) vs. F$U. Coach Daggummit's last hurrah will be a redneck showdown of epic proportions. The mountain boys, a.k.a. couch burners take on the Redneck Riviera's finest in the 'Noles. Waffle Houses & Denny's throughout the region are rejoicing at their windfall. If there's any coach more senile than Bobby it's West "BY GAWD" Virginia's Bill Stewart. The man only let jitterbug Noel Devine touch the ball an average of 17 times a game this year. That's some stupid shit. The Panhandlers have some thing to prove & win one for the Old Man....
"See one time back when a few year's ago, daggummit...."
- The Rose Bowl - #8 Ohio State vs. #7 Oregon (-3.5). Offensive genius Jim Tressel brings his usual talent laden squad to Pasadena....What's that you say? Tressel's not an offensive genius? I beg to differ. It takes genius to be that impotent & ineffective with that much talent around you. Not everyone can be that offensively challenged. Chip Kelly on the other hand has a whirling dervish of a spread offense led by fire hydrant Jeremiah Masoli. This bodes well for the Ducks. Two reasons the Ducks win: 1) they'll come out in some hideous uniform combination which will distract & annoy the ultra-conservative Tressel the entire game, & 2) they have LeGarrette Blount on the sideline & he'll knock you the fuck out at the slightest provocation....
It's great to know you're the baddest MF'er in any room at any time...
And have video to prove it...
- Sugar Bowl - #3 Cinncinnati vs. #5 Florida (-10.5). Let's see; one school plays in the Big Least and just lost it's coach & interim head coach to other programs. One school is losing perhaps the greatest player in college football history to graduation & its coach to health issues. Interesting match-up. Until you factor in the vast talent differential & the Florida defense. Take the Gators & lay the points...
We simply love Mr. Spikes taste in clothing...it take a real man to wear a pink suit...we also applaud your sense of decorum in leaving the top hat & cane at the house. Not appropriate for a business trip to a bowl game...
I am really interested in the LSU PSU game. Should be a very very good game. PSU has some athletes too.
ReplyDeleteI think the "prettiest little village on the plains" is twofold:
ReplyDelete1) it's as wide as the town is.
2) it's not difficult to spell, so the Alabama fans can find it on the map when they have to come to town.
Toomers Corner is fun after a victory.
I also think the Florida Cinicinatti game might be an interesting game as well. While Cincy hasn't played anyone, but they could be a very good football team. How many other teams can you name that AREN'T one injury away from complete disaster (See GT vs UGA - Josh Nesbitt/Florida vs ANYONE - Tim Tebow). They are a really scrappy team with a chip on their shoulder, and they don't miss a beat when they hot swap their quarterbacks. I think there are going to be lots of surprises late in the bowl season this year.
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