Wanted: Ron Dayne
Crime: Theft of Heisman Trophy
Victim: #14 Joe Hamilton
If you see this man, please run him over, get the trophy, & return to it's rightful owner, Joe Hamilton, here in Atlanta. Beware, he now frequently masquerades as a water buffalo & may look like this:
Dayne may also closely resemble a beached whale, frighteningly similar to how he looked when absconding with the Trophy. Approach with caution as the subject may try & eat you. Do not, however, be alarmed, as once located the subject will not be able to flee due to battleship-like speed. Extra bonus points will be awarded for incapacitating clueless Heisman voters.
I was asked today if I was going to watch the Heisman ceremony, who I thought would win, & would I write about it? Next time please just kick me in my manly parts. Even thinking about that charade makes me throw up a little in my mouth. A giant turd sandwich for the New York Athletic Club. They don't deserve to give out a trophy named after such a fine Tech coach. We haven't given a shit about the Heisman since that fat ass-weasel Ron Dayne stole it from Little Joe. Someday we're gonna steal it back & put it on Joe's mantle, where it rightfully belongs. Ron Dayne? Really? You gotta be fuckin' kidding me? So no, we could give a shit about the Heisman trophy. It's American Idol meets college football. I hope Ndamukong Suh eats a voter on his way out of New York....Tirade over, Hash out....